Attracted by the Light?

Deep in the backwoods country, a hillbilly's wife went into labor and a doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity in the house, the doctor handed the
father-to-be a lantern.

"Hold this high so I can see what I am doing," the doctor said.

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. Then... "Whoa there," said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming!"

Sure enough, within minutes, the doctor delivered a baby girl. And twice more after her, the doctor had to tell the hillbilly not to put the lantern down because more babies were about to be born.

Before the arrival of the fourth baby, the bewildered hillbilly asked the doctor: "'You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"

Breakfast Order

From my father-in-law:

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are two slices of crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the waitress. Then she spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the truck driver.

"What are the beans for honey?" he asked. She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights, and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

Some Word Fun

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

4. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

5. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

6. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

7. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

8. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

9. A man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

10. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.